Cookie's Celebration of Life

Bunches of Love, Cookie!

Below are three pieces that I wrote.  After the pieces are photos of Cookie's family and friends in attendance at her memorial today, Thursday May 22, 2014.  

Here's the obituary that I wrote (Toni elected to use a shorter obit for the printed memorial program.): 

Arnetta “Cookie” Barnes was born on October 3, 1957 in Washington, D.C. to the late Pauline and Marshall Barnes.  She attended public schools in D.C. and later began work with the federal government at FDIC. Wherever Cookie worked, her skills were much admired and appreciated.  There was nothing average about her.  Consistently, her presence made a positive difference and impact in the lives of family, friends and co-workers.

Cookie loved children and they loved her.  When she had her only child, Toni, childrearing became Cookie’s main love and passion.  She adored her daughter and let it be known that Toni was her priority.  Things weren’t always ideal but Cookie loved and provided for her daughter, regardless.    

Cookie eventually left D.C., moved to Norfolk, VA, and recently she resided in Efland, North Carolina.  Why did she leave D.C.?  Toni had moved to Norfolk and needed the presence of her mother.  Cookie uprooted and went to help Toni who herself had become a mother to Cookie’s granddaughter, Alexis.  That’s the kind of loving, sacrificial mother Cookie was known to be and her generous heart never stopping giving. 

Cookie treasured the close relationships that she had with her family members.  Yes, hers is a family of deep and precious love.  Loyalty, care and giving are consistently on display.

Childhood friends Larry, Michael, Nathan and Sandy maintained love connections to Cookie that were sealed with tight and solid bonds.  Their friendship journey kept staying power that lived on for many years. 

This wouldn’t be complete without mention of Cookie’s dear friend, Michael. They go way back with major love in flow.  They grew together and joined in actions of strength, hope and courage.
Yes, they did the friendship groove in style.    

It was in Norfolk that Cookie met Rex, a man who loved and provided for her in ways that she deeply cherished and appreciated.  Yes, Rex proved his love for Cookie in ways that were rooted deep in her heart.  Cookie’s love for him was penetrating in its realness.  Yes, they loved and lasted.

Cookie enjoyed music, cooking and watching movies.  And Oh, she loved to talk; the pleasure was that she often spoke with substance and humor.  She could crack you up with her sharp, witty tongue and when she set us straight, we’d not soon forget.  Oh yeah, she had a way with words indeed.

The absence of Cookie has left a void in our hearts.  Yes, she was that special and her impact that strong.  She was a woman of solid worth and we’re grateful to have experienced the richness and joy of her presence.   

The legacy of Cookie continues with her daughter Toni Barnes-McKinney; granddaughters Alexis and Madison; sisters Deborah Barnes-Miller and Schinetta Barnes-Rich; her husband, Rex McCulley and a host of close family and friends.

Tribute to Cookie (I read this at Cookie's memorial.)

The sparkle of Cookie will forever be etched in the depths of my heart.  She was more than a trooper.  She was a soldier who fought the good fight of faith.

She was loving, brave, funny, sharp, witty, giving, and cool.  She was NOT to be played with, though -- anyone who stepped to Cookie wrong -- could get "sliced and diced" with communication missiles.

She was loyal and she had our backs.  Oh yes, she did . . . 

When Cookie showed up, there was a shift in the atmosphere.  When she came, you knew she was there, and when she left, you knew she was gone.

I love her from the core of my wounded heart.  She was one of the VERY best friends that I ever had and I love her immensely.

To know Cookie is to love her.  There's so much about her that shines. So much about her that glows.  There are memories of her that I shall forever cherish.

Yes, she was/is my forever friend and I love her in ways that words aren't adequate to express. 

We'll meet again, Cook -- Oh yes we will!  -- Bunches of love to you, bunches of love.

Sandy

Healing (I read this at Cookie's memorial.)

I wrote this piece on April 12, 2014, about me and whoever else could relate based on whatever was going on in their lives . . .  When I wrote it I didn’t know that it would later have meaning relative to Cookie.

I mailed this piece to Cookie on April 14, 2014.  She received it and let me know that she liked it.  Cookie passed less than a month after I mailed this to her. After she passed, I read this piece again and got the sense that there was a message here for her -- that neither she nor I understood -- at the time . . .  GOD used this to help prepare us for Cookie’s graduation to Him.

As you read, I believe you’ll understand.

Healed

I've lived with a condition for years. When it first developed, it profoundly grieved me . . . but over the years, I've learned that the best healings can be healings of the spirit in acceptance that Almighty GOD knows best. He has reasons for why He allows continuances.

I've settled in my spirit that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I NOW live that truth -- not just in my head but in the core of my heart. I'm FULLY persuaded that I'm set in the Master's hands -- regardless.

We know that song, "In the Garden." "He walks with me. He talks with me. He tells me that I am His own." I've come to learn and to understand that, "Whatever it is, it's not bigger than GOD!"

I'd rather have the company of the Lord than healing of my condition. Yes, I choose Jesus -- the Word of Life. His love and blessed assurances sustain and provide me with peace -- multiplied.

Nothing and nobody provides such love, solace, peace and joy.

Nope, ain't NOTHING better than to walk with the Light of the Word -- King Jesus -- no matter what . . . !

GOD reigns anyhow. In His presence there is fullness of joy -- at His right hand there are pleasures for ever more -- so says the scripture in Psalm 16. And I'm a living witness, as are others who journey with our precious Lord!

Philippians 4:11 - KJV
. . . I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

###

It is well with my soul.

Below are photos that I took at the Celebration of Life memorial service for Cookie.

New e-Book Announcement - "Love as a Signature Style"

Hi -

Read the chapter, "Enemies" in my most recent e-Book, Love as a Signature Style.  A few of the other chapters are:

- One Size Doesn't Fit All

Excerpt:

One MAIN question is -- how do we respond to the inevitable land mines in our lives?  How do we play the hands that are dealt us?  The good news is that there are aces in every deck.  But we know that the jokers run wild.  Go for the aces; play those babies with all the gusto that you know how to muster.

- Public Displays 

Excerpt: 

What's up with the numerous photos that women post with their behinds poked out in suggestive and provocative poses?  Ain't it a trip that more than a few of those behinds are fake booties that have been artificially enhanced -- sometimes to disproportionate sizes?  The blow-up backsides sure get attention; the issue is the TYPE of attention that they draw.  Why on earth do those women believe that such is authentically attractive?  On the real, it's NOT positive.

- Strong Holds of Ignorance 

Excerpt:  

How many times have we been prisoners of our perceptions?  How many times have we "dug in our heels" and refused to budge from our "solid" stands?  And how many times have we been wrong?

Available on Amazon, Apple, 
Barnes & Noble, & Smashwords

E-Book cover photo - Copyright 2014 - S. Hicks

Here's the Amazon link  http://www.amazon.com/Love-Signature-Style-Sandra-Hicks-ebook/dp/B00J8AILVS/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396015870&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=Sandra+Renee+Hicks

Championship Conduct

Hi -

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Are you weary of rude, inconsiderate and incompetent conduct that has become routine in our society? Come on board to proactively address it. Clearly, major change is long overdue. Top level conduct is the best response to the low standards that are now commonly on display. You're invited to join the team of folks who make championship choices. United, we make the best things happen. 

 We can be change agents in this world of disintegrating manners. It’s our responsibility to add to the harmony on this great planet on which we reside. Business as usual isn’t an acceptable stance for champions. We owe it to our present, and to our future generations to be engaged in reform for the common good of we the people.

Let’s be examples of excellence as witnesses of the power that develops when teams unite for worthy causes. Let’s wear care, integrity, courtesy and competence as badges of honor.
There’s expectation that championship conduct will prove contagious. Who will catch it?

My e-Book, Championship Conduct - Excel in Care, Courtesy and Customer Service is only $.99 on Amazon. The Amazon link is below.  Also, if you're inclined, you can go to www.sandrasbookdepot.blogspot.com to learn how to obtain from other places such as Apple, Sony and Barnes & Noble, etc.

You can purchase copies for young folks who, in particular, are likely to learn from the content.  And certainly the content can benefit them as they go forth in life - schools, workplaces...

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Thank you for your consideration, and hopefully, patronage.

Above It All

Stunning beauty appears

through it all,

including in the midst of

challenges and uncertainties.

The glorious sun still shines,

the precious rain still falls,

and flowers bloom, regardless.

There's certain comfort in knowing

that above every circumstance is - GOD!

Copyright 2012

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Be Original

It's delightful to know

that originals outshine copies.

Embrace the uniqueness

of you!

Copyright 2012

Note: To view this entire blog, please click here www.loveasasignaturestyle.blogspot.com



Precious Treasure

My mother

Your priceless deposits

make valuable differences.

It's a pleasure to experience

the richness of you.

Copyright 2012

Note: To view this entire blog, please click here www.loveasasignaturestyle.blogspot.com

 

Living and Learning

We're not "purr-fect"...

It's encouraging to

know, though, that

living and learning

reaps excellent and

"purr-suasive"

rewards.

Copyright 2012

Note: To view this entire blog, please click here www.loveasasignaturestyle.blogspot.com

Death of Toxic Relationships

How many of us are in continuance mode with relationships that are dead weight associations? I mean they add nothing to us but certainly subtract from our positive progressive journeys. The subject relationships could be relative to friends, acquaintances, and dating associations. I do NOT exclude from these descriptions some “Christian” connections which can also prove hazardous to godliness.

Our Lord does appoint us to minister to the dead and instructs us to be mindful that we were once dead ourselves. It is, however, crucial to be in tune with our Father to discern when to move on as the Spirit leads. My experience has been to linger too long where I should have cancelled some “subscriptions” to relationship “magazines.” Fool that I was, I remained in the “pages” well after the expiration dates. Hampered spirituality was the result when I continued engagements where I no longer had any business.

We can allow vice grips on our emotions that cause us to cling to toxic connections. Why do we cling? The reasons vary. Fear readily comes to mind. We can fear the absence of the entanglements. Granted, the entanglements are toxic but we foolishly desire them, regardless. Often, we are afraid to disengage. We have become accustomed to the presence. Inner battles rage.

We know better but are afraid to do better. What will it mean? What can replace them? Reluctance is stronger than logic.

There is hope. Undoubtedly, it can be difficult to trade in liabilities for assets. One reality is that assets are not always immediate after cancellation of liabilities. Hurt tends to be the immediate consequence. Separation anxiety is a definite result. Tough it out, though, because rainbows can be a certainty.

It is absolutely a surety that we can rise above the pain. What is vital is a heart to work through it with awareness that it will hurt but conquer we shall.

Emotional warfare is an apt way to describe it. We must purpose to do it and allow nothing and no one to impede our journeys to wholeness. GOD can show us the paths of life. His question is, “Do you want to press on to gain it?”

Recently, someone gave me declarations that, in essence, amounted to rejection of me. Gratitude is felt for that rejection because I learned that inwardly I have come to a new place. What he said was beneficial for me to know. It may, to some people, seem odd for me to express gratitude for rejection. The truth that he spoke resulted in some measures of freedom for me. Something shifted within when I digested the content of his words. That shift has been instrumental in turning some things right side up. I am thankful.

Burial of dead relationships is essential to move forward. We cannot embrace freedom if we cling to death.

In the interest of balance, I cannot conclude here without inclusion of another aspect on the matter of toxic dead relationships. Evidence supports that there are instances that the dead can live again or live where there was no previous life. Once toxic does not necessarily mean always toxic. Remedies do exist to bring the dead to life.

Happily, toxic dead marriages have been revived, healed, and restored to blissful unity. Family estrangements have gained healing. Those are glowing reports.

My experiences have also proved that it is possible to have peace in the presence of storms. Dissension has surrounded me where I had to reside, that is, relationships severed but I had to, for seasons, remain in the same physical places. I learned to go and glow in spite of it. That meant that heart disconnection happened before physical disconnection occurred. Immediate physical relief is not always attainable. What can be attained, though, is a heart set to reject attempts to discourage joyous progression. Peace can be resident in the midst of toxic dramas. Determine to sing in the rain. Escape before you leave. Leave intact. Victories are choices that begin in our hearts.

Wisely consider relationship choices. Ponder and select what is reasonable, safe and responsible. Chances are some relationships can be “saved” while others should be categorized as permanent deaths. Let’s face it – all cannot be salvaged. The better we discern and understand the differences, the more liberated we shall be as whole beings on this great planet earth.


Friday August 6, 2010

Revised Sunday September 26, 2010

© Copyright 2010

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Sorrow Came to Visit

     Heart asks, “Sorrow, what are you doing here?”
     “I came to live in you.”
    “Oh no you won’t. You came for a short visit – the operative word being “short.”
     “We’ll see about that.”
      “No doubt, we will.”
     Heart puts on some upbeat music and begins to dance.
     Sorrow, in disappointment, watches Heart in rhythm.
     Twirling around, Heart smiles at Sorrow.
     Sorrow winces. Sorrow starts to make loud noises to disturb the groove of Heart.
     Fingers snapping to the music, Heart tells Sorrow, “You’ll be leaving soon.”
     Sorrow struggles to hide the fear. “I have plans to stay.”
     “Your plans will be cancelled.”
      “Sorrow states, “I didn’t get a round trip ticket,” and unconvincingly adds, “Because I’m here to stay.”
     “It is on you that you got a one way fare from a place of assumption. I can assure you that your status here is as a visitor. There is no vacancy here for another resident. This heart is a gift from my Creator and I will have you out of here in less than an hour.”
     “And how do you propose to do that?”
      “You didn’t know that I have a happy pump?!”
     “What?!”
     “A happy pump. I use it to pump happiness deep down in my soul. It came packaged from my Creator. The accessories are peace and joy among other prized possessions. Every now and then, I refuel the pump with paradise juice. When you came in, I said, “Ok pump, Sorrow is in the building. Let’s go to work.” Music went on the notes, dancing followed, twirling ensued – you get the drift?”
     Sorrow simmers. “I’m not leaving. I’m here to break you.”
     “Not only are you leaving but you will be leaving mad. You came to break but failure will be your “reward.”
     “Humph,” pouts Sorrow.
     Heart dances some more – this time with singing mixed in. Heart continues to dance to a few more songs. Soon Heart starts laughing so merrily that tears flow from the joy that bubbles from within.
     Sorrow is too through. “I didn’t expect this celebration of life. I came here to disturb peace and to live permanently.”
     “I know what you came to do. What you didn’t know is that I was made ready for you. You came here to break me. What you got was a break dance, a fox trot, a waltz, an electric slide, and some twirls thrown in for good measure. Laughter joined in with singing and tears of joy. Actually, you were the recipient of an impromptu concert, compliments from the Heart. Now you can take your visitor’s pass, and let yourself out while I dance over to play the next song titled, “Sorrow Has Left the Building.”

     Touché

Friday May 7, 2010 - © Copyright 2010

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Today Rain Crashed My Party

     Thunder claps rage in my soul.
     Today Rain came as a rude party crasher.
     "Who invited you, Rain," I angrily ask.
     "Stormy weather," Rain boastfully proclaims.
     "I do not want you at my party – Rain, Rain, go away."
     Smugly, Rain informs, "I am here to toast the dismal atmosphere that arrived with me."
     I stomp furiously –
     "My heart aches from the rainy tempest.  Will you not leave me be?"
     Rain roars with wicked laughter.
     We argue on while all around us my party guests revel in fun because it's not raining on them.  "Why is it that sometimes when it rains, people don't share their umbrellas? Who cares that it's raining on me?"
     While I pondered my Rain misfortune, a strong knock came at the door –
     I left Rain standing in a puddle and went to answer the knock.
     It's Storm Chaser – we call him Chase.  I'm beyond glad to see him.
     Chase confidently strides in, surveys the party scene, glances dismissively at Rain, smiles at me and asks, "May I have this dance?"
     I happily nod and off we go to dance to the song, "Rain Can’t Stay."
     Chased away in defeat, Rain makes a hasty exit.
     We didn't stand Rain to remain any longer than necessary.
     There are "seasons" when we need the Rain, but with its presence the party can continue.  
     Brief interludes of rain can bring renewed appreciation for the SON shine that is inevitable.

Thursday July 8, 2010

Revised Tuesday December 7, 2010

© Copyright 2010

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MOTHER'S OWN - LATE EVENING WEDNESDAY JUNE 23, 2010

Greetings -
The piece shown below was originally written in 2009.  This is the revised version:

MOTHER’S OWN

I believe that a major reason that the ideal family nucleus has declined is because, due to various conditions, women allow others to raise their children. It is understandable that single mothers need to work because so many fathers have largely abandoned their familial and parental duties, which includes financial provisions.

This article, though, is to ask and answer the question, “Is it GOD’s ideal for married women with children to work outside the home?” I believe not. God designed the family structure for men to be loving husbands and fathers who provide for the family finances while the loving wives and mothers handle the bulk of the household duties. I do not support, when it is not necessary, that our Lord is pleased with latch-key youth, and youth who are sent to day care while their mothers work outside the home.

In scripture, I do not recollect any passages that encourage mothers to relinquish their child care responsibilities to others. For a period during my youth, my mom did not work outside the home. I am 54 years old and am still deeply moved by the memory of my mom coming to my elementary school class on a snowy day to bring me soup. My mom was the only mother to come to the class with such a love motion. Even now as I write about it, tears well up in my eyes.

So many kids misbehave because they are hurt, angry, and afraid. They are afraid of life, and its varied challenges. So often, they lack enough quality time with their parents. Many of them do not feel sufficiently loved and valued. Frequently, youth are not adequately disciplined. The best parenting cannot be done on the fly in rushed and harried states of mind. Mothers who work outside the home can be so preoccupied that they cannot ideally tend to the manifold needs of their children. In our present society, the stress levels of youth are off the charts. Unfortunately, they fend for themselves too often.

We live in a societal environment now where it is vital that mothers rethink their choices to work outside of the home. Of course, for some mothers to quit jobs is not an option. But there are large numbers of mothers who can quit their jobs to sacrifice for the well being of their children, and the overall health of the home atmosphere.

Recently, I heard a Christian wife and mother testify that the Lord told her to quit her job to become a full time wife and mother. She was not at all eager to do so. It would mean the loss of more than 50% of the household income. The Lord impressed upon her the urgency of His request. She obeyed. One thing led to another. Her husband expressed that he did not believe that they could remain in their present home with the reduction in income. He told her that he would give her four months to prove that they could remain. If she could not prove it by then they would move. Well, she did what was necessary…proved it, and they remained. It was critical to the Lord that she stay home with her child. She and her husband made the financial sacrifices to get it done. Praise the Lord!

Children develop, and flourish best when they are parented full time by loving and righteous mothers – their own mothers, and their own loving and righteous fathers who provide financially, and contribute in other essential ways. That is the ideal of GOD – our Divine Creator.

Of course, the ideal is not always possible, our Lord can certainly compensate for what is not possible. He knows who the mothers are who cannot reasonably be at home, and who the mothers are who can.

Note: Family circumstances caused by divorce, remarriages, abandonment and other actions bring another dynamic to the mix. This article is not about that component.


© Copyright 2009 and 2010